Trying to be one of the guys, kick butt, and be girly all at once

So by far I think the hardest thing I’ve had to do thus far is the new balancing act. I love who I am don’t get me wrong, it’s just sometimes it gets hard! Brazilian jiu jitsu has been a godsend in my life, it has given me a second family in the people who make up my team, confidence, self- defense, and actually has calmed me down. It is weird though because I can completely be one of the guys at bjj, actually I completely and totally think that the guys on the team don’t realize I am a girl, which is not bad, I’m not looking for a boyfriend at bjj, that causes drama. But it’s weird when they see me outside of training, or they hear that I was a cheerleader. The cheerleader thing gets laughs, actually. But every once and a while we’ll have a group go out to clubs and suddenly I’m not Katie from jiu jitsu, I’m a girl! And I dress like one! I would like to think that I am girly to some extent, I like to wear cute clothes, do my hair and wear make up, but it seems that when I’m at bjj that all melts away and I end up being one of the guys, and not seen as a girl.

Then there is work where when they found out I did brazilian jiu jitsu they laughed, so I brought in video of me fighting, and they believed me, and now only see me as that girl. If I do a little extra to my appearance, every single person is in shock. I wore a skirt, cute shirt, and heels to school one day and when I went to work after every one was like no way in hell is that Kaitlin. I changed into my work outfit and they still were like why were you wearing girly clothes??? I don’t know why is this all so shocking to people? If I go out or hang out with normal friends they are used to me looking like a girl, and they can’t believe I do jiu jitsu. Or the best one is when a guy starts talking to me and finds out, the look of shock is pretty cool, but then I get weird looks, again… So I live in this constant state of change, people meeting me and not knowing what to think, and honestly I think I am going to keep it that way. I hope to not be predictable…

Oh and the lovely people of NAGA you guys rock. They saw me as nothing but a person that fights for the longest time, but I finally started to dress like a girl when we all went out, and I guess I can be more than a lil Runaway at NAGAs.

It is a delicate balance people, just kidding, but it does make life fun! I just wish the girly me wouldn’t shock so many people….